So I recently decided that I’m sick of being a broke assed schizo-affective bitch and I want the personal empowerment and awesome wages of the sex trade again. This time has been much different as I rightly assumed it would. Biggest difference? Boundaries. My moms favourite word. Years ago when I was a doped up mess I hooked to survive. Other than my rent (when I had a place to live) I funded EVERYTHING with sex trade money. Although I must admit that my addiction to cocaine swallowed pretty much every penny that I had. Back then there wasn’t much that I wouldn’t do, sexually speaking, to get my coke fix. Needless to say it was pathetic, extremely painful (physically yes but much more emotionally) humiliating and degrading. I into equality and there was none on the street. I won’t embarrass myself further by saying how low I went for how small an amount of cash but tears were common, both before during and after. I was not able to fake enjoying it. I was, however, able to hide just how bad I felt. By the end I was totally ‘no frills’ though. If asked if I “love to suck cock” , I’d reply with absolutely no emotion in my voice as flat as could be “oh ya it’s great, I can’t get enough”. I managed to hide my sarcasm but that’s about it. I spent most of my life prior to my 5 years in hell (as I call them) looking people straight in the eyes, thankfully I am able to do so today as well, but from 2004-2006 if I did that they usually saw the pain in my eyes (or tears) and would ask me to get out of the car. Begging for a john to keep you is not a pretty sight.
Anyway back to why I love what I’m doing now, even after all those hellish dates: I get to choose what I do and what I don’t do without fear of losing needed $. I get treated with respect and dignity (unless he pays me well enough, but non coerced consent makes all of the difference). It’s not in public. It’s much safer. I get paid way flippin better ( and I mean like at least 500% better). And arguably best of all I often get to cum! This is honestly a truly healing part of my journey.
In the last year and a half I took on 3 of my old regulars ( 3 of the very few who always treated me right) and answered an ad which brought be a great new client. He’s attractive, in shape, fun and pays great. Last week I took out my first ad followed by another one a few days ago. It’s going great. I had my first dom appt which I will write another post about, I saw a client it turned out that I had met before, got stood up twice (chalk it up to experience- don’t ever book with someone who won’t give you a phone number to reach him) by the same person, saw a really gross dude twice who paid me almost twice what the rest do each time, and saw 2 sexy guys my age that both made me cum 3 times!!! I also have a few more bookings on the agenda. My goal is to get a few people that I see once a week, a few more twice a month and a few more once a month. Nothing compared to all night every night. This way I’m sure I will have a few gross or uncomfortable experiences but I will also get to choose who I see again and for how long.
I advertise myself as an early 30 something (even done the 29 thing) long dark wavy haired sexy brunette plus tattoos and piercings with strong capable hands for erotic massage and of course TOYS TOYS TOYS!!!. when I arrive I usually give a free 15 minute crash course on sex toys which I love to do anyway. From the response I’m getting, which I know will taper off as I slip from new chick to regular poster, I think I need to buy more P-spot toys and basic BDSM. I am honestly looking forward to it!
I will keep you informed of my joys and my fails.
xo
